Why NOT Me?

I have been wondering lately why others' suffering is beyond my own suffering. Frankly, I haven't been the recipient of much bad news. My grandparents have both dealt with serious illnesses in their old age (cancer and Alzheimers), and surely this has been difficult, but my grandfather is in remission with his cancer and my grandmother has had Alzheimers for over 10 years now, so, sadly, we are used to it. Within a week though, I have received grieving news about friends in three separate circumstances. One of my dear friends' aunt was in a terrible car accident. Declined quality of life seems inevitable if she even survives at all. I'm deeply saddened for my friend and her family. This is painful. Another dear and life-long friend shared the news the other day regarding her husband's job. Unrelated to the fact that business has been bad, his wrestlings with God brought him to quit his job with no prospects in sight. They are now living day to day trusting God to guide them to what's next. And finally, I discovered that there is a girl from my hometown church that is having a double mastectomy performed in two weeks. She is several years younger than me.

So why do these things not happen to me? Why am I living comfortably in my spacious home - husband has a good, stable job; there's an abundance of food on our table; my kids appear healthy and well; my marriage is okay; I'm able to exercise daily and perform all of my duties on the homefront; we have two functioning cars; our extended families are healthy and well - we have both sets of our parents still; etc. Why are these things not happening to me? Honestly, I have told God several times this week that I'm scared - I'm scared that He's going to allow something to happen to me. I've thought about what I would do if I were terminally ill or if I lost my husband and children. I think about these things all the time because the potential is real. I know suffering is part of the Christian life. Of course it may not be the kind of suffering I'm talking about here, but it may very well be. And I just keep waiting and wondering what today will bring. What tomorrow will bring. When?

I desire so deeply to know Jesus Christ more and more. I long for such an intimate relationship with Him. But I know that I must suffer to discover more of Him. Suffering brings Him glory, and isn't that what my life should be all about - giving God glory?

I shared some of this with Carl last night, and he reminded me that God may be using us in other ways. He has blessed us so richly so that we can bless others. So our giving (whatever that looks like) can also bring glory to Jesus. Those words encouraged me. And though I still have fear that I need to give over to God, I am excited about what He will call me and my family to do to bring Him glory.

Anyhow, if you're reading this, please pray for my friends mentioned above. My heart goes out to them and I'm praying for them. And consider how you might bless others to bring God glory.