Torn

Have you ever been torn between two wonderful choices? (I’m not talking about chocolate or vanilla!) Perhaps the choices are difficult either way. A couple of months ago, it seemed as if my grandmother, who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for about 10 years now, was on her deathbed. I struggled with how to pray, knowing full well that both outcomes would have significant implications for my grandfather especially, who has faithfully and selflessly loved her through her life and illness. If her life were spared to be here awhile longer (which it has been incidentally), my grandfather would have to continue to deal with the reality and pain of watching the love of his life exist without knowing or remembering much of anything, especially him. On the contrary, if she were to depart from this life, he would finally be able released from this burden of watching his wife’s mind and functions regress as if she were an infant once again, yet the pain of her going would sting incessantly. Torn is a good description.

In Philippians 1:22-24, Paul describes his dilemma of staying or departing – remaining here in the flesh on earth to continue in “fruitful labor” for Jesus Christ or passing from this life to the next, never to return but forever in the presence of Christ. Paul heavily weighs these options knowing full well that ultimately the decision is not his to make, but His Maker’s. In the case of staying, Paul demonstrates his selflessness in wanting to stay – it’s strictly about others. First and foremost, it is about Christ – giving Him glory and honor by telling others about Him. Paul also longs to see believers grow in their knowledge, understanding, and love for Christ. He also desires to continue to spread the gospel to those who haven’t heard and allow God to use him with those whose hearts may have been hardened to the message. These were certainly all a part of Paul’s idea of fruitful labor – anything of eternal value. I think labor indicates that it’s not easy work, but it takes energy and effort – living for Christ takes everything we have – all that we have been given through Christ.

In the matter of departing, Paul understands, as much as his human mind would allow, that he would be with Christ – in His presence forever. His heart and mind were set on that, and being with Christ is where he longs to be. Additionally, Paul, physically weary, would be set free from this life on earth. He would no longer have to endure the challenges that he had faced, including his current imprisonment and probable execution. Departing was certainly enticing, but quite a dilemma for an unselfish person who was constantly thinking of others.

Paul’s ministry was fruitful in so many ways. It was more than just his work, however – he was fruitful through his life, his very existence . In what ways is your life fruitful for Christ? Ponder this question today. Praise God for how He works in you to produce that fruitfulness. Ask Him to continue that good work in and through you. To Him be the glory!